Pineapples & Coffee
by CosmicBash
Summary: Reboot of a decade old fic I wrote on dA! Shawn and Lassie get dragged into a dangerous case that not only threatens their lives but also to bring them closer together then they've ever been before! Bad summary but it's a slow burn hate to love case fic!


"Thong."

A roar of excitement and disbelief followed. "What!" "No way!" "C'mon man O'hara would never wear a thong," Shawn rolled his eyes and smiled at the group of police officers before spinning around in his swivel chair to look at the blonde detective once more. For show he put his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes to consult with the "spirits"

"Ahhhh no, the spirits are definitely telling me that she is wearing one. Wait…" he scrunched his brows as if listening more intently, before smiling. "oh really? How scandalous!"

The group once more bustled with excitement and wanted to know what he was seeing. "The spirits say it's…. red."Shawn finally revealed and as if on cue she dropped a file and bent

to receive it. A bright red strap peeked out of the top of her skirt where her shirt had become untucked slightly. The officers went absolutely wild behind him at the sight. O'Hara looked over and gave them all a dirty look, Shawn a particularly mean one. He flashed her his best innocent smile and mentally reminded himself to surprise her with some peanut m&ms later for forgiveness.

"Dude that is freaking awesome! I mean I know Detective Lassiter always says you're a phony but cmon man, how else could you know that?"One of the officers grinned patting Shawn hard on the back. They all agreed among themselves and he glanced over at the clock and chuckled to himself.

"Speaking of a certain grumpy Irish blooded detective, my senses tell me-"

Before he could finish a loud angry voice cut him off "What the hell are you all doing around my desk?" Shawn had to hold in a snicker as all the officers started to scatter, none of them wanted to be seen by Lassiter buddying up to the psychic. He was biting his cheeks hard in an attempt not to laugh at the detective whose eyes now squared in on him. "What the hell are you doing in my chair Spencer?"

Lassiter questioned his voice still booming as he stormed over to him, his pace now a tad quicker. "Your chair? How silly of me, I was merely educating some of our fine new officers on-"When he reached him Shawn wasn't surprised when he was rudely removed from the chair, the detectives fingers clutched into the back of his shirt. Lassiter all but yelled over at the group of officers trying to disperse across the hall. "I hope you aren't all falling for his fake psychic act, and wasting time you could be spending doing your jobs!"

Once he was released Shawn strolled over to several of the officers, and patting one on the shoulder shaking his head as if Lassiter was being unreasonable. "Lassie, Lassie, Lassie. Always the skeptic! How many cases have I been asked to solve for the-"

"Asked? More like inserted yourself in Spencer. There isn't a single case you've 'solved'," he made finger quotations "for the department that me or O'Hara couldn't have solved ourselves. Sadly we conduct ourselves legally. Unlike you and Mr. Guster." Lassie was completely turned around in his chair now glaring over at them. Shawn couldn't help but grin. Oh how he loved riling the detective up. He looked over at the officers and fake laughed giving them a 'this guy' gesture.

Cracking his knuckles he made an even bigger show than earlier of his newest vision, he just had to ham it up real good to get Lassie going.

"Ahhh, The spirits are talking to me! They- it's about you Lassifrass! Guh-"he gasped almost in pain "they say that you"he started to sing-song a little at this point "are a liar liar pants on fire! Oh wait. They're being specific, ahem, a liar liar blue briefs on fire." Snapping out of it he looked over at the red-faced detective and cocked his head. "Huh. I would've taken you for a tighty-Whities kind of man personally."

Lassiter was as red as an apple, he looked like steam was about to burst out his ears. The officers behind him went off, laughing and asking the detective if it was true. Shawn hadn't seen him this embarrassed in a while. There would definitely be repercussions from this. Lassiter had been in an overly sour mood all week, sucking on a lemon sour, nothing like his usual sourpatch like moodiness, at least then he turned sweet.

Nevertheless he was still surprised when the detective actually got up from his chair and started towards him, prompting him to take off down the hall. Ignoring the roar of his last name. Dashing down the stairs and turning the corner he eyed up all of the interrogation rooms doors before he spotted the evidence closet and darted inside resting his back against it once it was quietly shut. Hopefully it would be the last place Lassiter would think to look for him and the ensuing search would just annoy the detective into dropping the chase. It wasn't long before he heard Lassiter's footsteps closing in, he covered his mouth and ducked below the frosted glass.

The sound of Lassie grumbling to himself made him smile a little behind his hand, Gus would slap him silly if heard the way the detective made his heart race sometimes. Even he wanted to slap himself silly. It was ridiculous and Shawn knew so, Lassiter would sooner start collecting snow globes than ever consider any sort of unprofessional relationship with him. Not that he was looking for one, or that they even had a professional relationship at this point. He was just fine being single and playing the field, Gus and his dad be damned. He really didn't even know why he was thinking this much into it. Maybe it was those damn soap operas Gus had been making him sit through.

He was torn from his thoughts by his phone blaring the Star Trek theme, he cursed Gus under his breath and snatched it out of his pocket to shut it off. He must've changed it yesterday during his nap. Stilling he clutched his now quieted phone to his chest and listened unable to remember if he had heard Lassie leave or not. There was nothing but silence for a few seconds so he hesitantly crawled forward and turned around to peek. He was met with the blurry view of a button down shirt and ugly tie through the frosted glass. In a second the door burst open knocking him back on his ass Lassiter was no longer a blurry blob, tragically neither was his hideous tie. Shawn scooted back and tried to smile as innocently as he could through the annoying pang he felt in his forehead from the collision.

"Lassie? Oh gosh, how did I end up in the evidence room?" He nervously chuckled. "Must've been a bit out of it after that vision, I'll just-"

Before he could continue he was yanked to his feet, the detective's hand a tight fist in his shirt. Lassiter all but slammed him back into the filing cabinet behind him. His lower back was gonna be sore for a few days he could already feel it.

"You're gonna quit horsing around Spencer, I'm getting sick and tired of dealing with you and Gusters shenanigans around this station."

Grunting Shawn patted at Lassiter's hand on his shirt, a tiny bit out of breath. "Shenanigans? Honestly not what I expected, bull crap, troublemaking, maybe even buffoonery, shenanigans though. That's a good word Lassie. Probably worth at least 15 points in scrabble." He couldn't help but ramble to himself, his own voice a little gruff and strained from how hard the detective was digging his fist into his chest.

Unsurprisingly the detective pulled and then shoved him against the cabinet once more and crowded into his personal space. "Shut up Spencer, I've got enough on my plate as it is with this goddamn Greenlott case you insisted on convincing the chief wasn't an accident, nevermind the 5 other actual cases I need to solve, that I don't need to be babysitting you too. Go save a cat from some crazy old ladies tree, hunt ghosts in a warlocks' basement, go do whatever the hell it is you and Guster waste time doing when you aren't here. I don't care. Just get the hell out of my station."

They were close enough for Shawn to feel his breathe on his face and smell the detectives overly sweetened coffee. He could even see the light freckles dotting the detectives nose, mentally he wanted to connect them and see what image it would create. But now was a horrible time with how seriously agitated the detective was, mentally he made a note to try and do so one day if he ever caught the detective napping.

He closed his eyes for a moment and smirked before peeking up at him through his eyelashes. He really couldn't resist continuing to tease the detective, no care for the possible bodily harm it may bring.

"For someone who supposedly wants me gone you're doing a good job of keeping me here. Maybe you secretly want me here to help with the case?"

He watched Lassiter cycle through several expressions before finally settling on an embarrassed glare his cheeks and tips of his ears taking on a pink hue, noticeable even in the dim lighting thanks to his pale complexion.

Lacking any sort of self-control Shawn continued to tease the detective and leaned forward to bat his eyelashes once more. "All you had to do was just ask me Lassi, no need for all this seclusion. Though I will admit I'm a sucker for being pressed into walls in dark rooms." Now he was looking more like a red pineapple, what with his dark hair sticking up the way it was from how he had been running his hands through it today. And well of course if pineapples looked anything like tomatoes.

He honestly didn't know why he expected that to end any other way than Lassiter slamming him hard into the cabinet once more before storming out of the room the steam coming out his ears practically visible. Shawn was seriously starting to become concerned with the fact that he was starting to find getting manhandled or shoved into things endearing. Gus would probably give him a whole lecture on the psychology of such kinks if he ever mentioned it. And god knows the last thing he wants to listen to is Gus explaining anything sex related. The thought was enough to shake off any lingering mixed feelings and remind him to check out Gus' text.

/I got it/

The fake psychic smiled to himself, Gus to the rescue once more. He'll have that Greenlott case cleared up for Lassie in no time.

It was a hop, skip, and stumble to his motorcycle outside the station, by the sour looks on several yuppy officers faces he saw on the way out he could deduce Lassiter had decided to vent more of his frustration with the case and surely some from their encounter on them. He felt some sympathy for leaving them to deal with him in such rare form but seeing as none of them happened to be squirrels or clowns they were in no real danger.

A few friendly nods were aimed at other officers as he darted down the station steps towards his beloved bike. He even sent Gus a quick text saying he was on his way before slowly taking off and out of the station parking lot. He can't say he stayed at the same pace after a considerable distance or that he followed any kind of traffic laws along the way but hey, he was on his way to solve a crime after all. Some exceptions should be made for the greater good.

As soon as the door was closed behind him after he arrived at the Psych office and before he could even fully get out a "I'm back" Gus was already shouting.

"He was killed with Potassium Chloride Shawn!" As he rounded the corner he saw Gus pacing around the room triumphantly, a binder in hand. "It's brilliant Shawn, it's almost completely unnoticeable!"Gus was waving said binder around in a triumphant manner. Shawn went to his own desk and plopped down into his chair to ponder what Gus had just said, it sounded familiar. "Potassium Chlo-Bananas? That's what's in bananas right? Our perp killed him with a banana?" He felt genuinely confused and shocked at the thought. His mind supplying him with a scenario of the victim being comically stabbed with one.

His best friend only laughed and shook his head. "You'd have to eat close to 500 or so bananas for that, which I mean if he was a primate I could maybe understand that kind of diet but-" Shawn cut him off "487 to be exact. Wow. I wonder what poor sap helped figure that number out, you think-" Gus snatched his phone out of his hand and put it back on the desk, wanting to avoid letting Shawn take away from his big revelation.

"As amazing as that is we need to stay on topic here, when you said you saw a bunch of liquid vitamin style bottles at the crime scene but the vic didn't look anything like the kind of guy that took vitamins daily-"

"Yeah, hamburgers daily maybe, not vitamins let alone the pour into a drink or inject kind. ME said his weight and diet were probably what contributed to the heart attack, which as being someone who also enjoys greasy food I find offensive but-"

Gus cut him off once more by waving his hands in the psychics face to get his attention. "The bottles belonged to the killer! He must've bought a couple bottles of potassium chloride online and a few other vitamins to leave behind as well, so they'd look like they belonged to the Vic, then when Greenlott was passed out drunk he injected him with the lethal dose!" His partner whooped and started to dance but Shawn was still confused.

"Woody says he died of a heart attack though Gus, wouldn't it be obvious that he was poisoned? How come he didn't catch that on the tox screen?"

"That's the brilliant part Shawn. When one overdoses on Potassium chloride it causes severe heart arrhythmias, it mimics a heart attack! And even more genius is that when muscle tissue is damaged it releases unusually large amounts of Potassium! So his heart spasms and fails, and then his body in response releases more potassium so when they do the toxicology screening during autopsy they expect there to be large levels of Potassium in his system! And-"Shawn cut him off, clapping his hands together. "Boom! Further proves their original theory of heart attack while also allowing the killer to commit the perfect murder!"

He couldn't resist jumping out of his chair to high five his genius of a best friend. "And he would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you, you lavender scented evil genius!"

"You know that's right." Gus chuckled swiping a finger across his nose unable to hide a smug grin.

"Now we just have to prove Ryan purchased the Potassium chloride, or that maybe his prints are on the bottle and-"

Shawn hopped up from his chair and snatched his phone off the desk,and cut Gus off as he shot a text over to Juliet to meet them at Greenlots work. "Better yet we'll get him to confess. Let's go."

Gus gave him a look of disbelief but snatched up his keys to the blueberry nonetheless, not only was he not going to let Shawn bungle the reveal by yelling about bananas but he also wasn't about to let him take off with his car to go confront a murderer. His insurance didn't cover that. It was a loud car ride over to the office building with Shawn practicing what kind of vision he would have during the reveal and Gus shooting down some of his more outlandish ideas.

Surprisingly it didn't take much for Shawn to get Greenlott's assistant to confess once they had arrived and confronted him, turns out he's a bigger believer in the paranormal and psychics than they thought. As soon as Shawn's 'vision' mentioned the potassium Chloride he broke down and confessed previously silent and brooding man was reduced to sniveling tears, he actually begged Shawn to ask the spirits for no divine retribution for him.

What didn't surprise the psychic however was Lassiter's scoff and eye roll instead of a thank you. He swore it might actually kill the detective to admit he was helpful at times, but thank you or not he was happy to help him out. A less stressed Lassiter was a blessing to everyone, plus Jules and the chief would give him enough praise over solving the case.

"I just couldn't take it anymore, he-"Greenlott started sobbing but Lassiter quickly cut him off and roughly shoved the perp over to the other waiting officers.

"Yeah, yeah, save it. We've heard it all before. I've still got a few questions for him, throw him in interrogation when you get back to the station."

Shawn was a bit disappointed as he was actually curious as to what drove the assistant to take his boss out. They worked at a paper company, what could be that bad?

Lassiter must have seen the look on his face because now there was a pale finger pointed his way. "And you, don't get any ideas about trying to weasel your way into my interrogation, your works done, go home and let the real police do their jobs." The detective was obviously still peeved about what had happened earlier, on top of his usual distaste in Shawn solving a case before him.

Gus scoffed at the detective and looked to Shawn to roll his eyes. Juliet gave them both a sympathetic look and followed after Lassiter. "But don't you want to at least hear what else Shawn's vision had to say?"

"I don't need to stay and watch or listen to a load of childish bullshit to know the same thing the perp is gonna spill as soon as we get back to the station."the detective was grumbling now his back to them as he started towards the elevators. "I'm not in the mood to hear it today."

Juliet stopped briefly to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Thanks Shawn."

"Anytime Jules,"Shawn grumbled to himself, nudging Gus that it was time for them to leave. There was no way he was going to miss out on that interrogation.


End file.
